5 friends/acquaintances of mine have had babies in the past month. Another is due by the end of this month and a second just revealed she is pregnant. Thank you, FaceBook, thank you. And meanwhile, it’s my second month after the recanalization and I accidentally got myself thinking that *gasp* maybe it will be this […]
Watching and Waiting
October 11, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink
Late
I was walking through the cemetery this morning and I came upon a single monarch butterfly. It was flying about 15 feet above my head and in a perfectly straight line. It was flying south. No kidding. Contrasted with the cloudy sky, the orange of that thing nearly knocked me off my feet. I remembered […]
Well Received News
October 3, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink
I found out last night that one of the founders of my Resolve support group is finally pregnant. After 3 years and 11 assisted attempts. After almost completely giving up. She spoke often about how she was so close to being done with the whole process. That THIS IVF would be her last. And I […]
20 years
September 28, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink
My 20 year high school reunion is coming up. Got the email invite from an old friend. He hoped I would want to go. Not in a million years. I mean, yes, I want to go. I want to see those amazing wierdos so bad, but no. Just no. I can’t imagine how whincingly, gut […]
At least you have….
September 27, 2012 | health, infertility, life, pain | Permalink
…Your Health… The sundry adults in my life must have used that phrase a lot when I was a kid, because whenever things are all fucked up and can’t seem to get much worse, my brain stupidly and automatically says to me, “Well, at least you have your health”. Seriously. I say that to myself […]
The Dream of Constant Okayness
September 25, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink
“It’s not impermanence per se, or even knowing we’re going to die, that is the cause of our suffering, the Buddha taught. Rather, it’s our resistance to the fundamental uncertainty of our situation. Our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our dream of constant okayness. When […]
UT-OUCH
I guess we should count our lucky stars that the stupid amount of sex we need to have in order to try to get me knocked up does not result in urinary track infection every month… Yes, we should be thankful, but that’s hard to remember when I am peeing white lightening. Stupid e-coli. Stupid […]
Birds and Bees, you say?
September 7, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink
After I got over my “why is that bee a dude?” knee jerk reaction, I found these pretty dear. And a little sad. Mostly, I am glad they are being made. Check ’em all out : Birds and Bees – The Real Story And ok, this is awful in a lot of ways, but also, so […]
Lydia Deetz!
I KNOW IT’S A GIRL BECAUSE I YELLED SUSAN B. ANTHONY AT THE MOMENT OF CONCEPTION -Tracy Jordan (30 Rock Season 4 Episode 09 – Klaus and Greta) For a long time my Beau and I playfully honored this 30Rock oddity after our attempts. Mostly cause it’s funny and absurd, but partially because we secretly hoped it came from the bizarro mind […]
Migraine Mondays
I wake up with migraines on Monday mornings more often then on any other day of the week. What the hell? Talk about adding insult to injury. I have had 5 migraines this past week, which I hope is only related to that fact that this was the first 7 days of my menstrual cycle. Hormones be damned. […]
One Week!
August 23, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink
7 days until the recanalization! Also next week I decided to take 3 days off (Tues/Wed/Thurs). Grant it, one of these days will be spent at the hospital and groggy from sedation, but three full days off is a treasure! Now, I just have to find ways to 1) not spend any money and 2) avoid all work that is […]
Holy fuck, Premenstrual syndrome.
Day 25 of my cycle and it’s a doozie. I am glad I don’t have raw, emotional PMS every month, but somehow that irregularity makes it even harder to figure out what the fuck is going wrong with me every time I spend half a day bursting into tears every 15 minutes. It’s a really good thing I do not […]
A Singular Bike Ride
August 16, 2012 | exercise, infertility, life | Permalink
I’ve read about this strange ritual before, but today was a first for me. I peddled 40 odd blocks across town with a small container of my partner’s seminal fluid tucked betwixt my boobs. Why would I do this, you may ask. For science of course! Where where you going, might be your next question. The new doctor is at 8th and […]
Home Practice
I hate doing yoga or any other exercise at home. Just deplore it. I have tired all manner of activity – yoga, free weights, PT, aerobics, boot camp style workouts, stuff with that stupid exercise ball, DVDs, streaming video, worksheets, check lists, free flow workouts from my own imagination. Doesn’t matter what it is, I would rather eat glass than do it. I have a litany of half hearted procrastinations – I don’t have enough time. I […]
Recanalization!
August 13, 2012 | health, infertility, life | Permalink
I had put off posting, because I was concerned for more bad news, but so far, things continue to look good. Dr K, who I like much more then Dr D, agrees that the tubal recanalization is a good idea and that I am a perfect candidat. Dr T and Dr R (and their offices) followed […]
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