Special Torture (or how to grin and bear it)


December 21, 2020 | Alzheimer's, caregiving, dementia, life | Permalink

Yesterday, my dad used a Le Creuset baking dish to try to fry an egg on the stove top. When he cracked the egg into the dish, it shattered into 30 pieces. Today, my mom put toothpaste on a bar of soap in order to brush her teeth. THIS later insanity, I caught in the […]

New Feature! Things my dad can’t remember!

December 9, 2020 | dementia, life | Permalink

Things my dad can’t remember : What happened yesterday. The date, day of the week. How to manage his own finances. That my mom can no longer eat certain foods, and/or needs help in the bathroom and on the stairs. That I have begged him on more than on occasion not to watch violent or […]


December 9, 2020 | Alzheimer's, caregiving, life | Permalink

What the hell happened? How did I just drop off the map in March and, quite literally, forget that this blog was sitting here? I’ll tell you. COVID happened and they sent my kid home from school and she has not been back since. A spring, a summer, a fall and it’s now December. So […]

Just Plain sad.

March 17, 2020 | Alzheimer's, dementia, life, patriarchy | Permalink

My Aunt died today. A quick and intense battle with ALS. I guess if I could choose 5-month struggle with ALS or years and years with Alzheimer’s… oh, man.  So I told my mom first thing in the morning. She is weirdly spared her grieving today as she can’t seem to remember for more than […]

The Hardest Part

March 13, 2020 | caregiving, life, mental health, patriarchy | Permalink

When I decided to move home to be the full-time caregiver for my family, I expected the hardest part would be to manage my mom’s ever-increasing dementia. Of course, this would be hard. The world tells you how hard this will be and I had few illusions. I also wondered if being a for-real stay […]

This shitty week

March 13, 2020 | caregiving, health, life | Permalink

This week, I took my dad to the ER for what looked like a heart attack (it was not). My aunt was moved to hospice and my cousins have no idea if she will be 5 days or 5 months. I scheduled an appointment with a lawyer for the first time ever to make sure […]


March 12, 2020 | Alzheimer's, dementia, health, life | Permalink

Things my mom can’t remember : What happened 5 minutes ago. That her sister is dying. That there is a global pandemic. The year, month, day of the week. I want all of this to seem shocking and unreasonable, but the truth is it’s totally mundane. Millions of people in this country alone can’t remember […]

The Things We Know

March 2, 2020 | Alzheimer's, caregiving, dementia, life | Permalink

My mom started showing signs of dementia right around the time my kid was born. Maybe even before. That was six years ago. I took her to see her first neurologist 5 years ago. We were sent home with the advice that my mom should exercise more. “There was nothing to be done,” they told […]

Where to start? Again.

February 23, 2020 | caregiving, life | Permalink

The daughter I tried so hard for back in 2011 and 2012 is now 6 and a half. She is fucking brilliant. Hard, but brilliant. Her name is Pema Aldrin Lenz. Best. Name. Ever. After only two years of my daughter’s life, her dad and I split. We continued to live together for our finances […]

Found it.

December 19, 2012 | life, pregnancy? | Permalink

Well, there it is. Right where it’s supposed to be. Not in a tube, not stuck in an ovary. Right there, all cozy, in my funny little uterus. I can barely believe my luck is holding out.

Week 5 begins today. At least I think it does.

December 18, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink

I am a little confused about how far along I really am because the whole “your pregnancy starts with the first day of your last period” thing only works if you have a 28 day cycle and ovulate on day 14 which I don’t and didn’t. If I work backwards from the day I actually […]


December 13, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink

My HCG and progesterone levels look “ideal”. I have to return to Dr. K’s on monday for more blood work to make sure I am progressing properly hormone-wise. But um so. I am pregnant. Didn’t think I would ever type those words. And while I am deeply aware that so many things could go so […]

Day Two. 2 Tests.

December 12, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink

SO here we are. I go to Dr K’s tomorrow for “blood work”. Still only cautiously optimistic. So much up to chance. PS : How am I supposed to work today??