Special Torture (or how to grin and bear it)

Category Archives: infertility

And Another Thing

December 5, 2012 | health, infertility, life | Permalink

I almost forgot the other thing. I don’t take pregnancy tests. My cycle is so predictable that I have never once, durring this entire process, been late. In fact, as my luteal phase has grown shorter and shorter over the past year and change, I have only ever been early. So I just have never […]

Bats in my Belly

November 27, 2012 | health, infertility, life | Permalink

An update. My most recent round of blood work has revealed, you guessed it, nothing. So my infertility is still, after a year and half, techicnally unexplained. Welp, at least there was an upside to my most recent trip to the reproductive endocrinologist – Dr K was the first of my docs to show the […]

The Good and the Bad.

November 13, 2012 | exercise, health, infertility, life, pain | Permalink

Lots has happened recently. First, I have been remiss in not mentioning that my back pain is, for the first time in almost two years, completely under control. I have been having more pain free days then not. This is HUGE. And yet… I think I expected this to have more of an impact on […]

Hope Hurts.

October 14, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink

It just does. As I mentioned in my last post, I managed to get excited about the possibility. Maybe THIS month would be THE month. Maybe THIS blood is implantation bleeding. Maybe THESE cramps are implantation cramps. Get over it, lady. It’s day 27 of my cycle and while I suppose it’s not impossible that […]

Watching and Waiting

October 11, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink

5 friends/acquaintances of mine have had babies in the past month. Another is due by the end of this month and a second just revealed she is pregnant. Thank you, FaceBook, thank you. And meanwhile, it’s my second month after the recanalization and I accidentally got myself thinking that *gasp* maybe it will be this […]

Well Received News

October 3, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink

I found out last night that one of the founders of my Resolve support group is finally pregnant. After 3 years and 11 assisted attempts. After almost completely giving up. She spoke often about how she was so close to being done with the whole process. That THIS IVF would be her last. And I […]

20 years

September 28, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink

My 20 year high school reunion is coming up. Got the email invite from an old friend. He hoped I would want to go. Not in a million years. I mean, yes, I want to go. I want to see those amazing wierdos so bad, but no. Just no. I can’t imagine how whincingly, gut […]

At least you have….

September 27, 2012 | health, infertility, life, pain | Permalink

…Your Health… The sundry adults in my life must have used that phrase a lot when I was a kid, because whenever things are all fucked up and can’t seem to get much worse, my brain stupidly and automatically says to me, “Well, at least you have your health”. Seriously. I say that to myself […]

The Dream of Constant Okayness

September 25, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink

“It’s not impermanence per se, or even knowing we’re going to die, that is the cause of our suffering, the Buddha taught. Rather, it’s our resistance to the fundamental uncertainty of our situation. Our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our dream of constant okayness. When […]

Birds and Bees, you say?

September 7, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink

  After I got over my “why is that bee a dude?” knee jerk reaction, I found these pretty dear. And a little sad. Mostly, I am glad they are being made. Check ’em all out : Birds and Bees – The Real Story   And ok, this is awful in a lot of ways, but also, so […]


August 30, 2012 | health, infertility | Permalink

It worked. The recanalization was a success. Dr R even shared 4 super cool xray images from the procedure. Look : 1) HSG #1 or an attempt to push fluid through my tubes. Only the right tube fills and spills. 2) Dr R inserting a tiny wire into my left fallopian tube to clear blockages. 3) Dr R sending fluid […]

One Week!

August 23, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink

7 days until the recanalization! Also next week I decided to take 3 days off (Tues/Wed/Thurs). Grant it, one of these days will be spent at the hospital and groggy from sedation, but three full days off is a treasure! Now, I just have to find ways to 1) not spend any money and 2) avoid all work that is […]

A Singular Bike Ride

August 16, 2012 | exercise, infertility, life | Permalink

I’ve read about this strange ritual before, but today was a first for me.  I peddled 40 odd blocks across town with a small container of my partner’s seminal fluid tucked betwixt my boobs.  Why would I do this, you may ask. For science of course! Where where you going, might be your next question. The new doctor is at 8th and […]


August 13, 2012 | health, infertility, life | Permalink

I had put off posting, because I was concerned for more bad news, but so far, things continue to look good. Dr K, who I like much more then Dr D, agrees that the tubal recanalization is a good idea and that I am a perfect candidat. Dr T and Dr R (and their offices) followed […]

12 things you should never ask

August 13, 2012 | infertility, life | Permalink

Resolve linked to this.  Having dealt with half of these, I can honestly say these well meaning questions and comments do more harm than good.  I’d add a 13th item – don’t mention adoption. We know it’s a option. We haven’t forgotten.  But in a lot of cases it’s too soon to consider or it simply is not the right choice OR […]