Special Torture (or how to grin and bear it)

One Week!

August 23, 2012 / by admin

7 days until the recanalization!

Also next week I decided to take 3 days off (Tues/Wed/Thurs). Grant it, one of these days will be spent at the hospital and groggy from sedation, but three full days off is a treasure! Now, I just have to find ways to 1) not spend any money and 2) avoid all work that is done on a computer. Guess I should find a good book and pray the weather is nice, cause otherwise I do not know what the hell I am going to do with myself.

It’s been a really long time since I have taken any time off. I mean not doctor/hospital/occasional-holiday-related-long-weekend time off. I think my last proper vacation was October when I went to the midwest for 10 days. After that trip, I began a policy of accruing vacation time in case I got pregnant. I’d need as much paid time off as I could muster, so it made sense. Then at some point this year I realized that if I did get knocked up, I would be giving birth during the next calendar year, so it probably did not matter any more, but that never really sunk in. I just still continued to avoid vacation. I think it was/is some weird wishful thinking. Like if I steer clear of vacation time, I will mange to find myself gifted with some reasonable paid maternity leave. Ha. Unlikely.  But mostly I was pretending I had a plan. I don’t.

The fact is I honestly do not know how much time is available to me. The lack of official vacation time policy with my company is a double edged sword. My boss has never insisted that we count or really keep any track of the time we take off. We just take it and don’t abuse it. That’s been very nice.  But what does that mean? After 15 years, how much vacation time do I really have? Does it expires with the calendar year or does it carry over? I really have no idea. I am not sure my boss does either. I guess I should go about figuring that stuff out, but asking seems partially pointless. Why force a policy into place if I have no hope of ever getting pregnant? Why force a policy into pace when I really, really don’t want to know how bad that policy might be.

In any event, I guess what I am getting at here is that I should be taking more time off. I should plan for a nice big chuck of time off in October or November. It bums me out that I can’t afford to go anywhere, but that’s not that point. I don’t win anything for not taking the time off and I only lose if I don’t, so fuck it. I got some nice vaca ahead of me. Starting with next week. I think I am just gonna lay around and pretend that I am not broke, infertile, and in pain. It’s gonna be great. Deluded, but great.

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