Special Torture (or how to grin and bear it)

Category Archives: health

This shitty week

March 13, 2020 | caregiving, health, life | Permalink

This week, I took my dad to the ER for what looked like a heart attack (it was not). My aunt was moved to hospice and my cousins have no idea if she will be 5 days or 5 months. I scheduled an appointment with a lawyer for the first time ever to make sure […]


March 12, 2020 | Alzheimer's, dementia, health, life | Permalink

Things my mom can’t remember : What happened 5 minutes ago. That her sister is dying. That there is a global pandemic. The year, month, day of the week. I want all of this to seem shocking and unreasonable, but the truth is it’s totally mundane. Millions of people in this country alone can’t remember […]

Week 5 begins today. At least I think it does.

December 18, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink

I am a little confused about how far along I really am because the whole “your pregnancy starts with the first day of your last period” thing only works if you have a 28 day cycle and ovulate on day 14 which I don’t and didn’t. If I work backwards from the day I actually […]


December 13, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink

My HCG and progesterone levels look “ideal”. I have to return to Dr. K’s on monday for more blood work to make sure I am progressing properly hormone-wise. But um so. I am pregnant. Didn’t think I would ever type those words. And while I am deeply aware that so many things could go so […]

Day Two. 2 Tests.

December 12, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink

SO here we are. I go to Dr K’s tomorrow for “blood work”. Still only cautiously optimistic. So much up to chance. PS : How am I supposed to work today??

The little womb that could?

December 11, 2012 | health, life, pregnancy? | Permalink

Somehow I just don’t believe it. After 15 plus failures it’s hard to consider the alternative. I’ll take another test with another brand tomorrow and then I suppose I’ll talk to my doc. Will update soon.

And Another Thing

December 5, 2012 | health, infertility, life | Permalink

I almost forgot the other thing. I don’t take pregnancy tests. My cycle is so predictable that I have never once, durring this entire process, been late. In fact, as my luteal phase has grown shorter and shorter over the past year and change, I have only ever been early. So I just have never […]

Bats in my Belly

November 27, 2012 | health, infertility, life | Permalink

An update. My most recent round of blood work has revealed, you guessed it, nothing. So my infertility is still, after a year and half, techicnally unexplained. Welp, at least there was an upside to my most recent trip to the reproductive endocrinologist – Dr K was the first of my docs to show the […]

The Good and the Bad.

November 13, 2012 | exercise, health, infertility, life, pain | Permalink

Lots has happened recently. First, I have been remiss in not mentioning that my back pain is, for the first time in almost two years, completely under control. I have been having more pain free days then not. This is HUGE. And yet… I think I expected this to have more of an impact on […]

At least you have….

September 27, 2012 | health, infertility, life, pain | Permalink

…Your Health… The sundry adults in my life must have used that phrase a lot when I was a kid, because whenever things are all fucked up and can’t seem to get much worse, my brain stupidly and automatically says to me, “Well, at least you have your health”. Seriously. I say that to myself […]


September 8, 2012 | health, life, pain | Permalink

I guess we should count our lucky stars that the stupid amount of sex we need to have in order to try to get me knocked up does not result in urinary track infection every month… Yes, we should be thankful, but that’s hard to remember when I am peeing white lightening. Stupid e-coli. Stupid […]


August 30, 2012 | health, infertility | Permalink

It worked. The recanalization was a success. Dr R even shared 4 super cool xray images from the procedure. Look : 1) HSG #1 or an attempt to push fluid through my tubes. Only the right tube fills and spills. 2) Dr R inserting a tiny wire into my left fallopian tube to clear blockages. 3) Dr R sending fluid […]

Migraine Mondays

August 27, 2012 | health, life, pain | Permalink

I wake up with migraines on Monday mornings more often then on any other day of the week. What the hell? Talk about adding insult to injury. I have had 5 migraines this past week, which I hope is only related to that fact that this was the first 7 days of my menstrual cycle. Hormones be damned. […]

Home Practice

August 14, 2012 | exercise, health, life, pain | Permalink

I hate doing yoga or any other exercise at home. Just deplore it. I have tired all manner of activity – yoga, free weights, PT, aerobics, boot camp style workouts, stuff with that stupid exercise ball, DVDs, streaming video, worksheets, check lists, free flow workouts from my own imagination. Doesn’t matter what it is, I would rather eat glass than do it. I have a litany of half hearted procrastinations  – I don’t have enough time. I […]