Special Torture (or how to grin and bear it)

About the Name…

February 23, 2020 / by admin

I registered the domain name specialtorture.com in 2000. It was a little laugh from the 1997 John Cusack vehicle “Grosse Pointe Blank”. In the film, John and his love interest go to their 10th high school reunion. At the door, their former classmate manning the check-in table hands them their name tags and explains that they took their graduation photo and used it on the tag to which JC replies simply, “Special torture!” I have no idea why that struck me as so funny, but it did. It remains the one line of that movie that I can remember. I worked for an IPP during those years and so when I have the option to register a few domain names for free that was among them. I had no idea what I was going to use it for, I just was amused by it. Then in 2012, after a year of trying to get pregnant, I decided to start a WordPress blog about my journey through infertility. That blog is still here and being kept as a record. Years passed.

The daughter I tried so hard for back in 2011 and 2012 is now 6 and a half. She is fucking brilliant. Hard, but brilliant.

After only two years of my daughter’s life, her dad and I split. We continued to live together for our finances as much as for the kid. Two years after that, I was laid off from my job of 22 years (yes, the says IPP that registered my domains for me). A few months after that it was pretty clear my mom was well on her way down the road to dementia.

When I talk about all of this with strangers or even friends I almost always say “the stars aligned”. If I had not left the kid’s dad, if I had not lost my job, I don’t know if I would have been the adult child that moved back home. But those things had happened and it all just made sense.

It’s been a year and a half. I brought the kid to live with me at her grand folk’s moments before her 5th birthday. The first year we lived at home, she was in half-day kindergarten. Between managing her, the house and my mom, I bearly got a thing for myself done. Now that she is in full-day first grade I find – mostly because my mom is not to far gone, I have time. Time to myself. Blessed time. I had been doing some private journaling, but it was hit or miss. I never really committed. The writing was fun, but I was not that motivated. BUT THEN. the old IPP rang and said that after two years there weren’t going to float my domains anymore. “Eh, let ’em go” was my first thought. But then my second thought was “Write”. The domains where thusly renewed.

So here I am. Back in WordPress. Back at specialtorture.com. So, you see there is history. I am not trying to suggest that taking care of my family is “torture”, but um, I think you can see how it is not easy. It can be downright, mind-blowingly hard. Torture? Nah. Special torture? In many small, often laughable ways, yes.

Welcome. Thanks for being here.