“It’s not impermanence per se, or even knowing we’re going to die, that is the cause of our suffering, the Buddha taught. Rather, it’s our resistance to the fundamental uncertainty of our situation. Our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our dream of constant okayness. When we resist change, it’s called suffering. But when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into its dynamic quality, that’s called enlightenment, or awakening to our true nature, to our fundamental goodness. Another word for that is freedom—freedom from struggling against the fundamental ambiguity of being human.”

– From Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change by Pema Chodron

HOO BOY. Like manna, those words came across my FaceBook Feed… I know this sentiment could speak to anyone, at anytime, suffering from any manner of trial or travails, but they seems especially poignant for the person dealing with infertility. I have read a little Pema Chodron and she seems to talk a lot about groundlessness. I get that. I have not felt ground under my feet in 15 months. And all of the time, living in this terrible half life, stuck between the life you had and the one you are trying to achieve. It’s overwhelming, frustrating, and so fucking sad.

Ok, Pema, I’ll try to let go a little. Release a tiny bit and fall into the -oh I love this phrase- ‘the fundamental ambiguity of being human.’ Ok. Yeah so, in the words of my dear sister’s tattoo, ‘Si je puis’.

If I can.