Special Torture (or how to grin and bear it)

Where to start? Again.

February 23, 2020 / by admin

The daughter I tried so hard for back in 2011 and 2012 is now 6 and a half. She is fucking brilliant. Hard, but brilliant. Her name is Pema Aldrin Lenz. Best. Name. Ever.

After only two years of my daughter’s life, her dad and I split. We continued to live together for our finances as much as her. Two years after that, I was laid off from my job of 22 years. A few months after that it was pretty clear my mom was well on her way down the road to dementia.

When I talk about all of this with strangers or even friends I almost always say “the stars aligned”. If I had not left Pem’s dad, if I had not lost my job, I don’t know if I would have been the kid that moved back home. But those things had happened and it all just made sense.

It’s been a year and a half. I brought the kid to live with me here at my folk’s house moments before her 5th birthday. The first year we lived at home, the kid was in half-day kindergarten. Between managing her, the house and my mom, I bearly got a thing for myself done. Now that she is in full-day first grade I find – mostly because my mom is not to far gone, I have time. Time to myself. Blessed time. I had been doing some private journaling, but it’s hit or miss. I never really committed. The writing was fun, but I was not that motivated. BUT THEN. The my old employer rang and said that after two years there weren’t going to float my domains anymore. “Eh, let ’em go” was my first thought. But then my second thought was “Write”. I renewed this domain.

So here I am. Back in WordPress. Back at specialtorture.com. I have so much to say. I am not sure how much I can say here. I still don’t know if I am going to let it all hang out or be more circumspect. The next few days and weeks may tell.

In any case, welcome. Thanks for being here.

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